Parenting Your Work

As a father of three girls, I know the jolt of being yanked out of sleep at 3 AM by a cry that needs you right now. That adrenaline rush isn’t so different from the buzz of a phone lighting up with a production issue that can’t wait.

Startups and parenting might seem worlds apart, but they run on the same emotional fuel: sleepless nights, constant worry, moments of pure pride, and the feeling that this thing you’re nurturing means everything.

After years of juggling startups and parenting, I’ve realized not everyone feels this kind of connection to their work, and that’s okay. In fact, seeing the different ways people engage has helped me better understand my own path, and why certain roles always felt more natural than others.

How we show up: The work family roles

In my experience, people tend to fall into three categories when it comes to how they show up professionally. As a dad, I see them through a family lens: Caretakers, Relatives, and Parents.

The Caretakers

Caretakers bring structure. They work hard during business hours and then unplug to focus on the rest of their lives. That boundary is sacred.

Some of the best people I’ve worked with operate this way. They deliver consistently excellent work without letting it bleed into every corner of their lives. It’s not about lack of commitment. Think about great childcare providers: deeply invested, but they know where their role begins and ends.

This model prevents burnout and promotes sustainability. And while I admire it (and honestly envy it at times), I’ve never been wired that way. Just like I can’t imagine caring for my daughters with professional detachment, I’ve struggled to keep my work at arm’s length. That’s not a knock on the Caretaker model. It’s just not me.

The Relatives

Then there are the Relatives. They show up. They care. But the final call isn’t theirs.

Like the aunt who cheers loudest at the school play or the uncle who shows up for soccer games — they’re emotionally invested, but they still have their own lives. I’ve played this role many times. I poured in effort, cared about the outcomes, but always knew I could step back. The work mattered, but it wasn’t mine.

Relatives often find a sweet spot: deeper emotional connection than Caretakers, but still with room to breathe. This role served me well when my daughters were younger and needed more from me at home. It gave me space to be both present at work and available as a dad.

The Parents

And then there are the Parents — the ones who bring what’s often called the “founder mentality.” It’s when the thing you’re building doesn’t just matter to you. It is you. You can’t relax when things aren’t right. You’ll give up sleep, time, even your own comfort, not because you have to, but because you care that deeply.

Having the Parent/Founder mentality isn’t just about going all in. It’s about staying in. You’re not sprinting; you’re building a lifelong relationship. You start with diapers and sleepless nights (think messy MVPs and fragile metrics — like diapers, only with more stakeholders and fewer wipes), and over time, the needs evolve: scaling systems, stages of maturity, dealing with crises, celebrating wins. You’re in it for the long haul.

Brian Chesky, CEO of Airbnb, captures this perfectly. He says, “Great leaders are in the details. That’s what founder mode is.” He pushes back on the idea that leadership is just hiring smart people and stepping back. “How do you know they’re doing a good job if you’re not in the details?”

That resonates. Like parenting, you can’t just assume everything’s fine and walk away. You’ve got to stay close, pay attention, and step in when something feels off. You’re not hovering, but you’re still in the room, keeping an eye on what matters. Good leadership isn’t about doing everything yourself. It’s about being involved enough to know when things need your help.

The Parent mentality means the wins feel incredible, and the losses really sting. A failed launch can feel like watching your kid take a hard fall and not being able to help. A breakthrough feels like seeing your daughter finally nail something she’s been working at for weeks.

It’s not just professional. It’s personal. Your identity fuses with the mission. You’re not just building. You’re raising something that, hopefully, will thrive without you someday, carrying your DNA forward.

Finding my place in the work family

I’ve lived in all three of these roles. But I’m most alive, most me, when I bring the Parent energy to work.

Just as I’ve never wanted to be anything less than fully present as a father, I can’t approach my work with anything less than total commitment. My most meaningful professional periods weren’t when I had perfect work-life balance, but when I cared so deeply about what I was building that it became an extension of myself.

Right now, I wake up with ideas. I take work with me into the shower. I feel genuine stress when things aren’t right and real joy when they click. I think about legacy, not just next quarter.

Is that balanced? No. Healthy? Depends on the day.

But here’s what I know: When I’ve tried to be a Caretaker, I’ve felt numb. When I’ve been a Relative, it’s been fine, but not fulfilling. When I show up as a Parent, I feel whole.

The ecosystem needs all three

Too often, the founder mentality gets over-glorified. The always-on leader. The 24/7 grinder. That narrative can be toxic.

The reality is that healthy companies need all three roles. It needs the steady excellence of Caretakers. The supportive passion of Relatives. And the relentless heart of Parents who will move mountains to realize the vision.

The question isn’t which is best. It’s which one fits you. In balancing my daughters’ passions with work demands, I’ve learned to ask:

• What level of investment feels right for this season of my life?
• Which role gives me energy instead of draining it?
• Where can I make the most meaningful impact?

For me, going all-in brings the meaning I crave. I want to be a founder in spirit, even if I didn’t start the company. That kind of commitment and care is where I feel most aligned.

But that’s my truth. Yours might be different. Maybe you’re a Relative plugged in, passionate, but with healthy separation. Maybe you’re a Caretaker delivering excellence within defined hours so you can show up fully elsewhere. All of it’s valid and valuable. The only real mistake is pretending to be something you’re not.

Some of my most talented colleagues thrive as Caretakers. Others do incredible work as Relatives. And for those like me, the Parent role, founder mindset and all, is where we find our stride.

So I’ll keep showing up as both father to my daughters, and founder-in-spirit to the work I care about. Both keep me up at night. Both stretch me. And in both roles, I’ve found the same truth—nothing worth building comes easy, but the love makes it worth it.